Is there a part of you that needs fulfilling
and yet can not be fulfilled?
There are certain things about myself that are constant. They have been a part of me for the full length of my memories. They are the things that make me smile, that lighten my burdens and even at times make me giddy.
I love toile, in any color and any design.
I love music. Classical, Opera, Musical Theater and Celtic are my favorite genres, but I like just about anything that speaks to me.
I love reading. Although I do spend more time reading light hearted subject matters since giving birth to my first born. She brought empathy into this world.
I love all things Irish and English.(Scottish and Welsh for that matter)
My favorite color is green and has been my whole life.
But the one love I can not feed… going to church on Sunday.
I crave that once a week reset button, the opportunity to socialize in a very different way than the casual interactions that happen in the rest of the week. I love the music and singing, I love the older churches where the building itself has taken on all the energy of the past parishioners. I love a truly spirit filled human who offers up their experience and lessons for us to ponder and implement in our lives.
The longer I live, the greater my hunger to study and know all the spiritual texts of the world becomes. Although with each new lesson my beliefs alter a bit. The one constant is Christ and that is most definitely a comfort. It is also the greatest hurdle in spiritual self fulfillment, for there are as many ways to live Christ like as there are Christians it seems. Even those that sit side by side on Sunday disagree on the meaning. This makes finding a place of worship difficult to be sure. But it is not the reason I am unfulfilled.
I live in Utah and am not Mormon.
Finding another religion or church here is nearly impossible. There is a point about 2 miles from my home, where you can count 9 steeples by sight belonging to LDS meeting halls. There are few church home offerings here and they seldom thrive aside so many well funded LDS churches. So for now, I sit here missing my former church. Some of you might find it strange, that on Park Avenue in New York City I found a church that offered a true Christian experience. But I did and I left it only to find myself in a sea of Mormonism.
So the point is this, since I was young I have been going to church, even at times against my parents wishes. One of my teenage rebellions was to join a church my Father did not respect. That need is a part of me and it is laying dormant while I hope and pray I will be transplanted elsewhere so that I may find my true shibboleth.