Opinions & Experiences

Suburban Housewife or Earth Mother Hippie?

Who am I supposed to be? Who do I want to be? 

Who SHOULD I be?


My mind is a world unto itself.

When I relay my dreams to my husband he is most always incredulous. They are full stories, with characters, odd scenarios and they have a clear beginning and end. When I give myself over to my little gray cells to contemplate a subject, my mind can turn tirelessly for days while I still go about my daily activities.  I have no choice, my mind just needs to work it out, regardless of my thoughts on the matter. Today I am still turning over a thought line that started many days ago.

It all started with my IPAD.

I have a Facebook account with zero information on it. I signed up to see some photos of my friends new baby 8 years ago and once I started getting “friend” requests from people I barely knew and others I no longer wanted to know, I never returned. That doesn’t stop Facebook from coming through my email and I haven’t taken the time to decipher how one leaves Facebook. If one can.

Laying in bed I checked my email, Facebook wanted to know “Do you know these people?”. 

And there he was, a former, hmmm, not boyfriend, but more than friend? Whatever he was in relationship terms, he was a dear friend whom I shared some amazing experiences with. But…he was different now.  We spent countless hours talking about dreams, plans, ideas and ideology. We leaned more toward the live in the bush of Alaska and sew our own hemp clothes. Nature was like a religion to us, hugging trees was no joke and our best moments were spent sitting completely surrounded by the works of Mother Earth.

Finbrooke 048

That is not the man I see on Facebook.

He lives in a perfectly suburban home complete with decorative accessories, his wife is the picture perfect kind, makeup, scarf and earrings for every snap of the phone camera.

Where was the cabin in the woods, the organic veg garden, there aren’t even any trees in his .17 acre backyard. Did he change? Or did he bend?

Part of me was envious of his life. The idea of living in a new suburban home with a tiny backyard has always sounded good to me. Then I would have time to decorate each corner of the mantle just so. Salon appointments would be more regular than veterinarian visits and that frumpy feeling I seem to have day in and day out would no longer exist.

But then there’s the other me, the me who still wants to live on a giant partial of 50 acres, where you will find clean sustainably raised food and dirty kids in second hand clothes (because health and happiness are not found in a  J Crew dress or bottle of Purell).

The fact is, I want them both. I want an apartment in the city with a standing pedicure appointment and a farm in the country with a fairy forest to ramp through hand in hand barefoot with my girls. Whichever way I “bend” it will always include a French Country farm kitchen, toile and an English tea set. This much has always been clear.


So who am I? A friend once dubbed me a  “Hippie Princess”.  Although I’ve always thought that was an apt description, it really doesn’t answer the churning in my brain.

Although in my youth these questions were fun to explore, as an adult and parent they seem disconcerting. I should already know these answers, how else am I to parent without a strong sense of self. Who am I? What a  ridiculous question for a woman of my age.

The reason for these questions becoming almost unbearable is simple, I’m looking at real estate.

For the money we can spend…..

we could get a nice little suburban home in a pretty little neighborhood.

a b

Or….a storybook house with 15 acres in need of major renovation, that could only be afforded over time. 

Storybook House

What would you choose?

If I was worrying about feeding  my children while making a 5 mile trek to my village with 50 pounds of water strapped to my back, I would not have these thoughts.

*sigh* , definitely a first world problem.



15 thoughts on “Suburban Housewife or Earth Mother Hippie?”

    1. Time to write…absolutely! I often times write in the middle of the night, that is when my mind really starts ticking and the only time the house is quite. Finding calm in the day to put my thoughts in print really doesn’t exist with the choices we are making thus far.

  1. Well, you know what I chose. It doesn’t really mean anything is simpler, though. We’re just doing what we believe in. I appreciate your willingness to duke it out with yourself in this format. It’s a good, gutsy process. Have fun house hunting.

    1. Simpler is not easier and I think that is one of my base thoughts. Wouldn’t it be easier if all I had to worry about was a small chicken coop, one little container garden and grocery store shopping? Of course, in the end, I know I would worry about my food sources and the effects on my family. So it’s hard work vs worry I’m really considering. I might have just answered myself!

  2. We all have these dualities in us, I think. Perhaps at varying levels. And only you can gauge which is strongest in your heart, which will make you, and your family, happiest. Trust yourself to choose the right thing. We all want to live a life we can look back at without regrets.

    1. I know you are right and in my heart if I don’t take this opportunity to teach my children about conscious living, I will regret it. That doesn’t mean they can’t grow up, live in a high rise and not recycle. I would be disappointed, but at least they would have that solid foundation. What if, heaven forbid, they need that knowledge to survive? That’s a bit doomsday, but it is a possibility we all live with. My husband followed me to this life with trepidation, because all he had ever known was suburbia. I got pregnant and delved right in because I knew it was possible, thanks to my parents. I would absolutely regret not giving my children what my parents gave me.

  3. =) Good you’re aware of the luxury of the problem. I don’t see why you haVe to answer which you are along those lines. I am a product of the intense east and hippy west coast (which confused the hec out of me as I set out to homeschool, a confusion that birthed the article on the Biblical perspective of achievement in Homeschool Enrichment Magz). I relate to the whole FB thing – nuff said. Who cares about FB? And I hope things work out in this search!


    1. As always you hit the hard truth head on. This is a luxury problem. Do I feed my children from my big backyard, or my safe suburban grocery store. I think that is why it feels like I’m choosing a version of myself. If I know what my highest values are, then I know what choices I need to make.Which makes a pedicure pretty pathetic as a “value”, lol.

      1. “If I know what my highest values are, then I know what choices I need to make.”

        ExcEllent, D. And yeah…lol, I’m w/ you on that pedicure. Of course. These bare nails are kept short.

  4. Well…you asked so here is an answer…I’d choose the place that will afford you the greatest amount of free time. You are who you are no matter where you live.

    1. “You are who you are no matter where you live.” It just doesn’t feel like that, it feels like when I choose a house I’m also choosing a lifestyle, thereby choosing my family’s values. I think in truth I know we will pick the land. I can’t seem to find a reason that suburbia would offer more in the way of quality of life.

      Part of me just misses making things that don’t matter…matter. I miss being superficial. I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to make the surface of things pretty, but it can’t be at the top of the list. If we choose the stone house, the surface will be the last on the list. Especially, my surface. Before marriage and kids, my surfaces were always buffed and polished. Now most days you will still find a little garden dirt under my nails, no matter how many hand washings have transpired. Decorating my house wouldn’t be an exhausting exercise, but rather something to savor. In the big picture these things don’t matter, but if I lived in that sweet little cape cod, they could matter a little bit.

  5. Funny, we went through a very similar decision-making process a few months ago. Our dream home is a house in the country with a little bit of land. We thought we could afford it, even put an offer on it. When we were outbid, we modified our criteria. The house we ended up with is in a small town, with a big backyard, but definitely not acreage. But, it’s certainly a lot more room for the kids than our little city semi had! Gardens galore, and a private backyard. And we’re happy here. Maybe someday God will give us our dream acreage, but for now, we’re very happy with what he’s provided. Best wishes to you, as you navigate these choices.

    I agree with Ginene Nagel above. You are who you are no matter where you live.

    1. And there in a nutshell is the real thought line. Compromise and how that should be addressed. I am fortunate that my husband let’s me take the lead in these matters. He most definitely has his opinions, but in the end I will be the one who spends the most time there and I will be the one responsible for it’s day to day running. When we move, this is a big life decision. I don’t want to make the wrong one. And neither of these is exactly what I want for me or my family, so where do I compromise? Thank you for making that a little bit clearer to me.

    1. Found another comment I missed. So sorry. Yes in the end I agreed with you. We bought a small cottage style home on 32 acres. 32 wooded acres. It will be work, but I am so looking forward to it.

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